I wasted 2 hours of my life watching The Northman

 


I had heard about The Northman movie many times from Youtubers and from the critics giving it raving reviews.  How Northman got 90% on Rotten Tomatoes I will never understand. Many times I had heard people say it is a great movie and fans were heaping praise on the film. So I decided to watch the Northman. I was expecting to see something akin to Ragnar from the Vikings series. And I was disappointed. I felt like I wasted 2 hours of my life. The Northman is a poor man's Hamlet. The magic scenes and hallucinations are too long and waste a lot of screen time. The ending was very unsatisfying. I am not one for sad endings that seem pointless. It would have been better if Amleth and Olga escaped and lived happily ever after.

A few things did not make sense to me

Where did the boat come from that got Amleth and his blonde girlfriend, Olga? So Amleth and Olga escape and all of a sudden there is a boat waiting for them?

How could Queen Gudrun not recognise her own son? Even if 20 years had passed, a mother would know her own son.

How did the Slavs and the Viking Scandinavians communicate? I thought they spoke different languages.

Where did the ravens come from that freed Amleth when he was tied up? I can't figure out where there is magic or not in the film and whether it's real or not.

How was one man Amleth able to kill all the men belonging to Fjolnir his uncle? Amleth is a one man army like Rambo who has plot armour until the very end.

The Positives

Though Northman was a awful movie apparently it was an accurate description of life amongst the Vikings and Scandinavians. If Northman is accurate then the Scandinavians must have been barbarians. All the human sacrificing, cutting heads of horses, raiding and killing show that the pre-Christian Scandinavians were savages. I can now understand and appreciate Christianity for civilising the Scandinavians. Today there are the most peaceful and civilised people in the world thanks to Christianity.

I loved the twist in the story when Amleth finds out his mother was involved in the plot to kill his father. I did not see it coming and it was exciting to watch.

But all in all The Northman took 2 hours of my life I will never get back. I wish I never watched it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Buy my books

Image
 Here is the list of the books I have written. They are available in hardbook, paperback and ebook on Amazon. Links below.  In the beginning A collection of creation myths. https://www.amazon.com/beginning-Mark-Anderson-ebook/dp/B0DH5MYN6X/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= The Trees of Liberty The Payana people are the indigenous tribe of the Mbanje island. Their religion is ancestral worship and the cannabis plant is sacred to them. They live in peace with one another and nature. But their world gets turned upside down when strange people arrive in big ships. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DG2TPDBJ/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= Lucifer The Lord God creates the heavens, the earth and everything in it. God makes humans and places them in the Garden of Eden. The angel Lucifer questions God's decision to give mankind authority over the earth. So Lucifer asks for permission to test mankind's loyalty to God. Lucifer promises humanity the gift o
Read more

Should Zimbabwean provinces be renamed? (Mashonaland, Manicaland and Matabeleland)

Image
 Words have power. And names have immense power and can be  self fulfilling prophecies. Today many Zimbabweans have strange English names that are the butt of jokes in neighbouring countries. Names like Godknows and Knowledge are the source of derision and comedy. If it was up to me it would be illegal to give an African name a non-African name. How many white people give their children African names? How many Arabs give their kids Zulu names? Let us be careful what we name our children.  When the British settled in the land between Zambezi and Limpopo they met various tribes living there. They exploited the tribal conflicts and divisions that were already present. The Ndebeles regularly raided and enslaved the Shona speaking tribes. The Shonas were divided and disorganised. To ensure that these African tribes would forever remain divided they gave the provinces tribal names that divided the people along tribal lines. Mashonaland in the north, Manicaland in the east and Matabeleland in
Read more

Did Ralph Cifaretto kill Pie-O-My?

Image
  Ralph was responsible for cooking that horse alive. When we first meet Ralph he is getting an earful from Tony Soprano about the firebomb in the sanitation war. Tony repeatedly tells Ralph, ‘No. More. Fires.’ And the story goes full circle and ends with Ralph causing more fires and killing Pie-O-My. Ralph and fires is further alluded to when Valentina, who Tony stole from Ralph like he stole Pie-Oh-My, is burnt in the face and disfigured whilst at a stove making Tony some eggs. And pointing to Ralph’s fascination with the movie Gladiator, Ralph goes out fighting to the death like a gladiator. He was my favourite character and I was sad to see him go.
Read more