Gospel of a Pharisee

 

There was once a Jewish girl who fell for a Roman soldier 

 But all he wanted was to bone her. 

 So when she got pregnant he left town 

 And left her alone with tears and a frown. 

 She told her betrothed that she was with God’s child 

 And that she had not been defiled. 

 Her betrothed believed her and married her anyway 

 But the town’s people chased them both away. 

 The girl and her husband went to Nazareth

 And that is where she gave birth. 

 The child grew up to be a deceiver 

 Who lied and stole from gullible believers. 

He and his disciples would rob and steal 

 From the people by pretending to heal 

 The sick who were well, the dumb who could talk 

 The deaf who could hear, and the lame that could walk. 

 He gave life to his friends who pretended to be dead 

 His followers told people he could multiply fish and bread. 

 He gave sight to those who could see 

 His disciples spread rumours that he could walk on the sea. 

 The trickster and his disciple got rich and famous throughout the whole land. 

 Then he was summoned by the Governor, a Roman. 

 The Governor was sad because he had just lost his sick wife 

 So he asked the trickster to raise her from the dead and give her life. 

 But the trickster could not resurrect her and admitted that he had lied 

 The Roman Governor was so furious he had the trickster crucified. 

 The trickster died and was buried in tomb 

 Then his disciples stole the body, his flesh, blood and bones they consumed. 

 But they lied and proclaimed that he had risen from the dead. 

 The news of the risen trickster spread 

 Until the whole world believed the fable 

 That the son of God was born in a stable.